Assholes in Nice Cars


This past weekend, my daughter and I were casually driving through the streets of Chicago, in search of snacks and turkey chops.

Turkey Chops = Pork Chops – Pork + Turkey

It was a pretty great day.

Now, I’ve been on this positive train for a while now. I’m surprisingly really good at it, but in my mind, the world will cooperate with me, just because I’ve decided to always be in a good mood.

This is not how life works… Murphy’s Law was in full effect!

Let me paint a picture…

I’m at a stop light, minding my business.

I notice a truck behind me still doing the regular speed limit, despite there being a red light.

He slammed right into the back of my car. My first thought was “Jesus keep us safe!” After the initial impact, I straightened up, for about five seconds, because my car had slid into the car in front of me. My second thought, “This is some bs!”

At this point, I’m negotiating how to react in this situation. I try to exercise good morals, but I feel like this situation called for ignorance. I pulled over into a nearby Citgo with the driver that was in front of me. I gave myself five minutes to lower my anxiety and talk the situation out in my head.

Lower Self- “You’re child is in the car! He wasn’t paying attention! Act a damn fool woman!!! Destroy him!!!”

Higher Self- “You have insurance. You’re licensed isn’t expired or restricted. This isn’t your fault, just take care of this and go about your day.”

I chose to do the right thing. So I get my information together, and step out the car, and wouldn’t you know, the culprit was upset with myself and the other driver who was involved. Make this make sense!!!

He had to be coaxed into even giving up his information, because he said he was in a rush and had places to be.

My bumper is deceased… so are my lights, alarm, trunk, muffler and that plastic thing that they bolt under there. My baby is in shambles.

The police were called, but never showed due to the social distancing measures that are in place, so we all had to travel to the police station. Naturally, the malefactor was the last to show up, and had the freaking impudence to say he tapped my car. My arthritis says otherwise dick! The other driver and I stepped up to give the police the actual account of the accident, which made the asshole upset. I was so shocked that he had the nerve to be so careless about a situation that he created. People never cease to amaze me.

Now, I’m home… waiting for the call to drop my car off, because it’s too embarrassing to drive right now. My muffler is dragging like wedding cans. Dogs are fleeing from my vehicle. I’m pretty sure I’m also bringing the property values down.

I’m sorry guys, it’s not my fault!

I would always buy small cars because of the price of gas, I handle them better… and I’m not giving anyone a ride. After this situation, and seeing my car (Veloster), versus the car that hit me, (Lexus), versus the car I hit (Maxima), I’m going to have to rethink my preferences. I could pay a few extra dollars for the safety of my child and myself. The Lexus had hood damage, naturally, because he bent my entire hatchback in (there’s a hole in my trunk people), but the Maxima had not a scratch. If this was a street fight, I would lose because I’m clearly not properly prepared. So, I’ll take some time to rethink my options in the vehicle department…

But that asshole will pay!!!!

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